It's the first day of Autumn. A time when the Earth prepares itself for the rest that will be followed by the renewal of Spring.
I'm trying to prepare myself for renewal, too. It isn't always easy. I'm treading a fine line between "shoulding" on myself--as my counselor would say--and pushing through emotional inertia to get some things done. Things that are GOOD for me to do, even if they are less than exciting or pleasant. I'm making lists of things that I need to do AND things I've managed to accomplish. I'm trying to communicate my progress. I'm trying to ask for help when possible, which is why my poor husband is spending hours gathering information for MY mother's probate process.
So...
I am most grateful this week for any and every thing I've done--from laundry to making it to church to working on my grad school work. Some days it's been just one or two small things, however, most days, I've managed to accomplish more than I have in a long time.
I am least grateful this week for that voice in my head that continues to tell me it isn't good enough. It's a voice that doesn't want to accept that, in my current circumstances, getting ANYTHING done is pretty good news. It's a voice that wants perfection. It's a voice that takes no excuses. It's a voice that offers no mercy and grace.
My own, stinkin' voice.
And thus, I am trying to listen to the voices of others who care about me--my family, friends, and counselors--who tell me to hang in there... keep working... don't try for perfection... don't be too hard on yourself... we care about you...
It takes a lot of their voices to drown out my own.
But I'm working on it.
How about you? What's going on with you this week?
Although the examen is a Christian practice, I would hope that anyone who has something to share would feel welcome here. Also, if you don't have your own blog and would like to participate, share your bread in the comments. To holding on to what gives life,
Mary-LUE
3 comments:
Hi Mary,
I get the "Notes from Universe" daily emails. Today it said "When you don't know what to do next, sometimes it's because you've already done more than you give yourself credit for."
Give yourself some credit, lady! And then chip away at the next task.
I go back to what my Dad used to say went my own "perfection" voice gets the better of me... "Rome wasn't built in a day."
Perfection is so appealing because it is so unattainable, something like the grass on the other side of the street.
There are places of beauty where you are Mary. They may not be "perfect", but beautiful they still are. :)
Agree with Tara....and sorry, I didn't get here earlier in the week after I said I would. :( I guess that's one of the things for which I'm least grateful this week. As for grateful, I'm grateful that you are here. Just remember like Stuart Smalley to look in the mirror and say, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me." Because they do. :)
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