Sleeping with Bread: Monday, June 21st. . . just barely!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Monday, June 21st. . . just barely!

I just don't know what is wrong with me! I make plans to do the SWB post and then I get caught up in this, that, or the other. The next thing I know, it is 11:35 p.m. on Monday night and I haven't done a post yet!

Let's see if I can get this in and posted before midnight.

This summer I find myself in a little bit of a predicament. It has been a rough couple of years, in which I have suffered the loss of two parents--both very complicated relationships; I finished grad school and had my first semester of teaching; my family moved house in the middle of all this. It's been busy and stressful--even the GOOD stuff has added stress.

The upshot of all this is that I am suffering from just a wee bit of burnout. (For some of you reading, this is something of a rehash. Be patient with me, I do intend to take this somewhere else.) Fortunately, I have this summer of not teaching to recuperate. The doctor has recommended that I do not add anything to my schedule.

So here's my predicament: My church is participating this summer in an incredible opportunity. As part of a new church collaboration to reach out to the community, 13 churches this summer are serving three neighborhoods in our city. We are providing activities for kids in the community who will not have summer school available to them because of budget cuts. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that my church is working with other churches to minister to those in need in our community. This is a five day a week, seven week commitment. It requires a lot of coordination and a lot of people committed to it.

But I can't volunteer. I need to keep a large margin of space in my life right now so I can spend time with my family, SLEEP, work on eating better, start moving this body around, and SLEEP some more.

This is killing me, folks. I am confident it is the right thing to do, but it feels kind of bad. I feel like I am not doing my part for my church and my city at the same time that I think that I should be obedient to God's leading in what is best for my health right now. I have to not worry about what others might think of me because I am not volunteering. I have to trust that God is going to provide the people necessary. I have to be satisfied with the little that I could do--buying some supplies for the summer activities.

Oh, this is hard.

What about you? Have you experienced something like that? How did you respond? How did it turn out? I'd love to hear what you learned about yourself and God in that time.

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Although the examen is a Christian practice, I would hope that anyone who has something to share would feel welcome here. Also, if you don't have your own blog and would like to participate, share your bread in the comments. To holding on to what gives life,

Mary-LUE

3 comments:

Kila said...: I also feel like I should be doing more, yet I know right now I should not.

It sounds like it's best for you not to be volunteering on the front lines. You need to take care of yourself this summer. Helping behind the scenes by buying supplies was a great compromise. Be satisfied :); June 22, 2010 9:26 AM
Anonymous said...: I am right there with you...Because I have put myself out there "on the front lines" and have been involved in so many things in addition to homeschooling my 4 children, I have absolutely let myself go, let my sleep go, let my eating habits go, let my time of refreshment go. I have decided that this summer HAS to be a time of 'turning' inward in order to get my own house in order so that I can continue in the future to serve outwardly. the Lord has shown me that I need to be a Titus 2 woman for this season. I need to be at home, serving at home, taking better care of myself and taking time to be refreshed in Him so that I can be more effective for Him. Thank you for your blog.
Rtuhie from California; June 24, 2010 3:01 PM
Karen said...: Today, I'm experiencing what you've described, but on a smaller scale. I decided not to attend one of my kids' activities today because we have friends coming over tomorrow evening for the 4th. My plan was to use the day tomorrow to get ready. I decided last night that I need to take today to get the house together, rather than try to fit it all in tomorrow. It's killing me to not be at my son's games, because it's something we do together, time to spend just talking with my husband, truly quality family time. Only after I decided to stay home and regroup, did my husband say, "I'm Sooo glad! Otherwise we'll ALL be stressed out tomorrow trying to help you out." He was kind enough not to say that I tend to be a real bear when I'm under pressure! So in the long run, perhaps the best thing to do for you and yours is to take care of yourself.

Love your blog. I don't get to stop in as often as i'd like, but I have you bookmarked;); July 03, 2010 9:12 AM

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What is Sleeping with Bread?

During the bombing raids of WWII, thousands of children were orphaned and left to starve. The fortunate ones were rescued and placed in refugee camps where they received food and good care. But many of these children who had lost so much could not sleep at night. They feared waking up to find themselves once again homeless and without food. Nothing seemed to reassure them. Finally, someone hit upon the idea of giving each child a piece of bread to hold at bedtime. Holding their bread, these children could finally sleep in peace. All through the night the bread reminded them, "Today I ate and I will eat again tomorrow." (Linn, Dennis et al, Sleeping With Bread, p.l)

These are the beginning words of a book that introduced me to a practice called the examen. The orphans held on to what nourished them and were thus able to sleep peacefully at night. The examen, based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius, helps a person hold onto what spiritually nourishes him by looking at what is giving him consolation in his life or causing him desolation. It allows someone to express his gratitude to God for the good stuff and turn to him for solace for the bad stuff. It is quite simple. You simply ask yourself, in the last day/week/month what gave me consolation and what caused me desolation.

How do you do it?

Sleeping with Bread is a Monday meme. You can participate in one of two ways: 1) Pick one of the above examen question sets and answer it in the comments section of my SWB post; or, 2) Create your own Sleeping with Bread post. You are welcome to right click on the Sleeping with Bread button and save it to your own computer before uploading into your post. Then, make sure you come back and put the link to your post in the automated Mr. Linky form at the end of the current SWB post. I hope you will join me and my fellow bakers as we Sleep with Bread on Mondays!